How to stop being a people pleaser and say no guilt free. Set boundaries and create more time and freedom in your life.
Do YOU say ‘no’ when you really mean ‘yes’
How often to you …
agree to doing things, you don’t want to do
go to places, you’d rather not be
and simply put others before yourself?
People pleasing is exhausting
I know because I qualified as a people pleaser. I used to be the ‘yes’ girl. I am a recovering people pleaser. It was instilled in me from societal norms from a very young age, to ‘be a good girl’. There is something warm and heartfelt about experiencing approval when helping others but sometimes we just take it too far and loose our identity in the process. Being a good girl doesn’t always come from high morals but often driven by fear, fear of displeasing others. It is a slippery slop of low self-worth and loosing a sense of identity.
It is exhausting, energy depleting and can build resentment.
Were you taught to supress your feelings?
If we are dishonouring our own needs and putting other people first, we risk a negative impact on our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Very often parents and teachers encourage us to suppress our anger, put on a brave face, be nice and helpful. It is not unusual to witness boys, be at loggerhead with one another, and we are told it is how they bond. Repressing our feelings and needs isn’t healthy and detrimental to mental health. The body begins to carry this discomfort and misalignment with truth. The dysregulation of emotions with poor self care, can trigger ill health.
What’s the solution?
Choose to say no, be naughty if you like and refuse to be ‘a good girl’. In this process you get to honour your true self, rebuild your confidence and experience freedom. You no longer have to pretend to be a people pleaser, no longer have to mask and decide to reclaim your own unique identity in the world. Take time to reflect on what is your work, your duty, your desire and NOT your guilt or approval seeking behaviour.
What are the benefits of saying NO?
- Increased energy
- More time to do what YOU want
- Better health
- Great sleep
- Authentic connections
- Integrity for others
5 steps to stop People Pleasing
- Make a conscious decision
- Say a few easy Nos
- Hold your boundaries
- Observe the guilt
- Enjoy the freedom
Saying NO to some things is part of personal growth and development. Practise and perfect my lovely, you are worth it! Balance and boundaries are essential to a happy and successful life.
If you would like to learn more self-care tips and support with boundary setting, check out my ‘Bloom Girl’ book here